“The worth of a human being lies in the ability to extend oneself, to go outside oneself, to exist in and for other people.”

I want to be a good woman.

I scanned an article about someone who did good early this morning. Later this afternoon it was everywhere - posted on the walls of friends, and picked up by the big news crews, so I read it again. Someone, somewhere (the point of origin is unknown) decided to pick up the tabs on KMART layaway accounts. They left enough for the recipient to finish the task (leaving nominal amounts of .04 cents to $50 or so dollars) so that KMART would be prompted to call the account holder and notify them of the deposit.

Someone had done this and perhaps told another. Or the recipient of this thoughtful gift told tale. Regardless of the how, the why inspired enough to follow suit as that KMARTs across the state were a flurry of holiday giving.

Some dropped a lot of cash, while others helped in ways that they could- paying off $250 balances, $75 balances. The weight balances when you consider the cost.

This article drove me to list making, not because I was trying to free up some extra cash to donate for the holidays, but because I exhaust money on needless things routinely that could go to better use. I read this and think, if only I had the money, I, too, would be so generous. But I want for nothing, fiscally. I live within my means, and they are warm and adorned. And I'm not advocating for complete frugality, but, but, but... I think I've lost sight of my senses.

It's convenient that this all comes to mind around the holidays; New Years which is basically a blanket mandate for reform. But reminders, whether in person or in print should be accepted and heeded.

I don't know what to do but Hiro suggests I do what I know. So perhaps I can start with writing and work my way from there.

They had a natural buoyancy unsuitable for anything outside the realm of elastic love.

When there is nothing left to burn
you have to set yourself on fire.

Do you believe in something beautiful, then get up and be it

Rachel told me today that she was going to give me a gift.

She said, "I am going to give you a great gift."

I was soon to type, "Please don't let it be a lesson," but I was too type for her svelte fingers. There on g-chat she delivered a message, intended to be taken as a lesson, with no need for modesty.

She told me that I'm to chose how I react. Meaning, I needn't react as much as I do.

I wanted to contest. Respond in CAPS, tell the tale in my own version, but, see, that was the crux of Rachel's concern. I have nervous tick emotions. I jump at the slightest touch and feel the faintest slice of sun. Some call us Hyper Sensitive Personalities, which they argue is both enabling and disabling. Good/Great work done in therapy has helped me own my sensitive shortfalls, learn to desensitize when it doesn't serve me but still the reaction. I feel like I do nothing but try to feel something.

But there's something to Rachel's creed: I can shut it off. I could easily not wind up when someone has a turn key in paw. I even feel equipped to follow this advice. It's just... there's something to raw emotion. I feel like I have a secret sense, and even more, I feel like I'm doing someone a service by making every effort to understand their understatements.

But Rachel could say, "not everyone wants to be read." Or "maybe you are thinking of yourself here."

But instead she says, "I love having you as a friend."

That warrants reaction. But of the hug someone in happiness variety. We should all be so lucky as to have a friend like that.