Imagine that.
The craziest. Frickin’ day. Of your life.
That commands attention. That warrants worry. Or, in the very least, at least in the case of a d. Graham Kostic and I, it propels you to shell out $40 for a 5K Warrior Dash, replete with mad cap obstacles (see: chemical maze, the hell fires of Armageddon, jankety old car lot, and post-apocalyptic Magic Kingdom Main Street mayhem).
So Graham and I arrive with our matching race shirts. Graham provided the inspiration and initial design template. I botched said design, went rogue, and created these gems
(keeping in line with the catch phrase theme, ‘IN IT 2 WIN IT’).Graham and I weren’t so much IN IT 2 WIN IT as we were in it to have our photographs taken. With each photograph we aspired to become the face of the website. It’s just good math. We are in matching t’s. We are SUPER amiable to all the surrounding runners (save the times Graham would try to raise my mildly competitive spirits by pointing to a runner nearby and loudly asserting ‘We’ll definitely beat HER’). We were the Warrior Dash pep squad, so it stands to reason that the hour plus 5 k’ers that kept pace with us would appreciate our efforts to raise Warrior morale. They respected our need for interval theatrics.
And that’s just the first lap.
Here’s a sampling of what followed:
I almost lost Graham to the chemical maze. Barrels of chemicals EVERYWHERE. And some had spilt. TWIST!
I had a hell of a time trying to climb the never ending series of mounds. If I had vertigo it would have set in because that was an endless vortex of loops.
The suspended wooden planks were no more than 1 foot wide! With my big monster feet I had to gingerly tip toe across the planks. The crowds behind us were wild. Graham seemed to have no trouble. He took it slow to placate me. He’s a dear friend.
There were rusted out cars. A whole field of them! We were expected to hurdle them. And we did. We also sat in the back of a bus for good measure. And shade.
And wouldn’t you know, but positioned right before the façade of a super cute town lay a long, deep pit of murky water. We were nervous, and far from prepared, but we counted down and ran through. There was some back splash and I found it particularly adorable when Graham asked, post-murk, “Am I dirty?” The best being a Warrior, who had long usurped us in ranking, returned to the murky water obstacle to reclaim a shoe he lost. And he found it. What a hunter! He also found a bonus box of rusted nails. In the murky water. Where people oft loose their shoes. Oh Monster Mash!
Move on to the hell fires. Graham and I were certain it was all for show. Like a warm Disney production, but were we ever fooled. Those coals were piping hot and we were expected to leap over thick, hot flames. Oh doctor… Thankfully I have freakishly long legs and Graham is very limber. We moved forward without sustaining burns of any form.
And on to the mud pit and the grand finale. It looked harmless. I could not deduce why everyone was crawling when they could just as easily walk across it. I put on a great big smirk and cased all the goons we’d soon pass as we approached the mud pit, but were my cheeks ever red! There was barbed wire near the base of the pit and we HAD to crawl under it. Graham went belly first, like a true warrior, whereas I tip-toed around and tried to stay as mud-free as possible. I finally conceded and ate dirt.
We moved forward, hand-in-hand to the roar of the crowd screaming “IN IT TO WIN IT”.
And I guess we did. Just that.
No comments:
Post a Comment